She was battin’ her eyes like a toad in a hailstorm. You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn with a handfull of rice! It’s Hotter n’ hell’s basement on the day of reckonin’. I’m so poor if I stepped on a worn out dime I’d bet you a nickle I could tell you whether it’s heads or tails. Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks fighting for a parking place.īusier than a cat covering up shit on a concrete floor. Madder than a pack of wild dogs on a three legged cat. He couldn’t hit the ground if he fell twice!īusier than a one armed monkey with two peckers. Granny cooked enough supper to feed Pharoah’s Army. He was drunker than Cooter Brown on the 4th of july. She’s purtier than a mess of fried catfish. Nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival. Tighter than a skeeter’s ass in a nose dive. She’s wound up tighter than the girdle of a Baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat pancake breakfast. I’m having more fun than a tornado in a trailer park.īoy you got about as much sense as god gave a goose Madder than a one legged woman at the ihop. I’m so hungry, I’d eat the balls off a low flying duck! I’d rather jump barefoot off a 6-foot step ladder into a 5 gallon bucket full of porcupines than… That’ll go over like a pregnant pole-vaulter. I’m happier than a punk in a pickle patch. He’s so stupid, he couldn’t find his ass with both hands.ĭon’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. Your mother’s so stupid, she thinks cheerios are donut seeds! That’s harder than a choir boy in a porn shop She’s so ugly when she was a baby her mom fed her with a slingshot This old truck wouldn’t pull a slick prick out of a lard bucket. She has more chins than a Chinese phone book. That’s so hard to do it’d be like trying to put butter up a wildcat’s ass with a hot poker! Madder than a bobcat caught in a piss fire. Were closer than two roaches on a bacon bit. He’s ridin’ a gravy train on biscuit wheels.Īin’t no point in beatin’ a dead horse…’course, can’t hurt none either.

That made my nuts draw up so tight you couldn’t reach them with knittin’ needles. That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.Ĭan’t swing a dead cat without hitting a Wal-Mart. Slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree. If a frog had wings he wouldn’t bump his butt when he hops. Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit! Well she’s finer than a frog hair split 8 ways!īusier then a one legged man in an ass kickin contest!!! Well dip my balls in sweet cream and squat me in a kitchen full of kittens. I’m as confused as a blind lesbian in fish market…. She was so ugly she could trick or treat over the telephoneĭarlin.You’re hotter than donut grease at a fat man convention. I am as nervous as a long tail cat in a room full of rocking chairs He fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.

Get Your Laugh on with these funny redneck sayings:

Another word for pack saddle bug